One-Way Friendship

Holly dolly im just a lil bit free from college thingy. I can bretahe easily ha-ha. I have such a big problem literally with my bestfriend(s) that i thought before, i love them too much. i care much. im trying to help them as i could, but where the fuck all of them when i need them so much? i dont know how to solve this problem :""(. i thought i could have at least bestfriend at the same city instead my highschool friends, its cliche and naive when i thought that i could have bestfriend at the same city we can help each other most of the time and im thinking about it again its just utter bullshit. I might have been too selfish or being such a mess, am i wrong if i expect that they could care much as i care to them? i knew im overthinking about something. Im not like others that could share their story into their friends, i just can share everything what happened to me to the one that i really feel comfortable, the one who i can believe until the rest of my life instead of my boyfriend, id rather broke up with my boyfriend than losing my bestfriend. I do have many friends just some of them that i could believe the most, sharing everything. i thought I can tell you that if your bestfriend is a boy it could be easy because that they are not too sensitive, they can give your advice form boy preception and care as much as you care to them, but now and on i change my thought that it could be never easy as i thought at least in my college life, college sucks? isnt it?.

I have my superbestfriend since im in Junior High School, we get along together until we at the same high school and same class, we tease each other, we joking as much, we doing teenager "criminal", we told each other about everything : love life, family etc. I have my Girl-Friends, He has his Boy-Friends. I had boyfriend, He had Girlfriend. We talked much about our cheesy lovelife and making jokes about it. We do Gossip as usual, We do fighting but we just can solve the problems. Its easy rite? everything went well. Until now we never lose contact. We have been together since 6 years as a bestfriend and our relationship alhamdulillah never destroying our friendship.

College Life i used have my bestfriend. Same like that. The problem that used to be not become a problem cause he has a girlfriend and getting jealous of me,nah-nah just so you know id never thinking that i will make him to be my boyfriend or whatsoeva. Why simple thing become bigger? we do fighting a lot. like a lot and we dont even have the way to solve this. I dont even know whats going on with us? we do the same things like a bestfriend used to be. Joking, Teasing, Sharing not even more than that.

Why have to be Jealous on me? dont u know that you destroy everything? I just wanna have a real bestfriend not just take me for granted. I was trying to understand but what i get? Nothing. And now this whatsoeva you call Friendship, used to be friendship become messier. If u dont wanna sharing everything, or at least be my bestfriend please explain to me whats going on, you pull me closer and then you throw me away. I fulfill what you wanted to your relationship. you ask me to stay away, im stay away. Dont you know that my bestfriend since 6 years never ask me that thing? Im stay away from you a while you said im mad, you said im changed. I dont even know either im changed or im be changed. Im not willing to help you, give my best advice if i could. I dont want anything from you mate at least just be mature, seeing from my preception, and at least we could used as we used to be. We dont even talking to each other. We dont sharing about what-so-not-important-thing, you know that i want to tell you that i had such a little problem with my Girl-friends? until i solve this problem by myself. Sorry for coming into your life, interfere to your business i mean both of your business.

If you read this or you. I dont even recall to giving you a reason to be jealous on me. I thought you are my friend and you are my bestfriend so we could get along together, but now i think its too late im not even mad but the same thing never happens the same way twice.

Ps : u dont need to be jealous on me, i will never change your position because we are different totally different. u couldnt be like me or i couldnt be like you. i had my commitment with myself if somebody be my bestfriend, i take him/her be my best until the rest of my life, sounds cliche but u can hold my words, but now i so dont even care if you believe me or not.