ALL IN MY HEAD

This picture describes what im going through nowadays. i've been screwed with my society. college life, mind, heart and whatsoevaaaaa. sometimes i think my head gonna explode but i wont it happen it so not me and disgusting ewh :(. So this week is really hard i just learn that everybody i knew is desperate and fake, they need me when they really in "unhelpfull" situation, aaaaaah i lose my positive thoughts. too much pain, too much fight. im never thinking that my life gonna be like this because one person that i'd never really had. how pathetic you are SYARAFINA! im not going to crying but i want but i cant i dont know, i need someone beside me ah it couldnt help, i just cant quite explain, im asking you one question whoever you are " have you ever been thinking about me, what i really feels?

you know who you are

Anguish in Disguise

Disguise

Disguise

lucu ya saya ketik kata-kata ini berulang-ulang kali. Menyembunyikan.

Kenapa disembunyikan?

Pertanyaan ini pasti selalu dikeluarkan oleh setiap orang termasuk saya

Saya pun tidak punya jawabannya bahkan tidak akan menjawabnya.

Menyembunyikan sesuatu pasti ada maksud dan tujuan

Bagaimana kalau dengan perasaan?

semudah itukah? saya rasa tidak.........

Teralu banyak yang disembunyikan teralu banyak kesedihan yang ditelan sendiri

Saya tidak ingin dunia melihat saya jatuh,saya tidak ingin dikasihani bahkan oleh teman-teman dekat saya.

Mungkin saya teralu klise dalam menghadapi hal-hal, teralu baikkah saya? apa salah nya menjadi orang baik? mengutamakan kebahagiaan orang lain?

saya bukan ibu peri atau malaikat,saya tahu ketika saya melakukan hal baik saya tidak boleh mengharapkan hal yang sama, apakah salah jika setiap manusia itu berharap?

salah kah saya jika saya marah,muak,kesal,iri merasa di nomor duakan?

"i have no one"

Ini saya ungkapkan sesuai realita,jika saya boleh egois saya selalu ada jika setiap orang membutuhkan saya.

Ketika saya butuh,kemana mereka? sadarkah mereka jika saya berubah?

Tidak

mungkin saya juga tidak menunjukkannya

saya tidak butuh orang yang hanya bertanya " kenapa saya? ada apa? lalu berlalu begitu saja

ketika saya menjawab " tidak apa-apa"

pernahkakh kamu melihat jauh di dalam diri saya? saya rasa tidak.

saya ingin menjadi apatis dengan hidup ini,berjalan apa adanya, tidak usah ikut memikirkan masalah-masalah di sekitar saya.

Ternyata susah.

Satu orang yang menempati ruangan di dalam hati saya pun seakan berlalu dengan sendirinya

no one cares

"Don't let your heart overrun your brain, make them both work in sync." -

Sitta Karina (Putri Hujan dan Ksatria Malam)

Books Taught me everything

Im in pain. i dont know somehow i feel that im always beside evryonewho need my help. but when i need one. there is no one, there is no you. let me explain that i was too naive when i said that " i love him" i said that with all of my heart maybe im the one who will be act like this. i could give my friends advice all of advices. for me? i think my advice is useless. i wanna make everyone happy. i wanna make everyone full with happiness. you might say that im too idealistic, cliche or err i knew im weird. Suddenly beside made my thingy assignments i read again my nick and norah"s infinite playlist and there is part of conversation like this :

Nick :"Do you really think that its getting worse?, i mean arent we better off than we were twenty years ago? or a hundred?"

Norah : "We're better off. But i dont know if the world's better off. I dont know if the two are the same thing"

Nick : Maybe we're the pieces

Norah : "Maybe we're supposed to do is come together. Thats how we stop the breaking

The last conv is from tikkun olam. the spiritual of life. im his biggest fans or wahtsoeva.

so if you are truly deeply in love just go get your smile and show your love your care with your ways and dont ever expect that he/she might give you a feedback

grr i think its for me. yeah fits me.

aku kita dan bahagia

kadang saya suka bertanya,apakah benar saya sudah bahagia? atau teman-teman saya? atau orang lain sudah bahagia? apa sih definisi bahagia? sampai sekarang saja saya tidak bisa menjawab yang saya tahu bahagia itu saya,kamu dan kita. cliche

Kiss the pain away ::)

hi peeps lets say im a dumb or am i being too naive? what should i called this, a coincidence? you was being too nice to me like we are in a commitment umm i mean like we are tried each other, its been too long to be with you............ i have no idea sometimes i wanna end this shitty but i know yea yea i know sounds pathetic i always missing you, missing your smile, your jokes, your texts, your whatever i dont know i love the way you act, silly <3. I tried my best, i never said that you're a jerk. we had fight, sorry i was being like a child haha...... i thought you didnt care but i was wrong you felt guilty, i gave you forgiveness,you made promise but you never keep it or maybe im the one who expect too much? and i have no choice so i walk away, i dont hate you, i never hate you, at least appreciate me as your partner and it wont works. I have no choice so i walk away. We're good We're fine. :-) and wishing that your life becomes that you want it :D. Goodluck silly this is your Year xxxxxxxxx

cruel

i do love my mom, i didnt say that i hate her. i just have a lil bit misscommunication with her since i move to bandung and the things become so cruel with her. Im trying to share whats going on with my life, and i thought she doesnt understand, she's never believe me. She's worrying about something that i dont know what she thinks about me. If i argue with her she will mad at me im just tired she's never know that im trying to be mature stay from what she and my dad provide me, and like serious she's never been like this

We're Fall in love but not meant to each other

Its so easy to falling in love, a coincidence, a job, or whatever the things that might make you gonna love him. When something makes you closer with him, you never thinking what will happen in the future,you didnt know him at all, and the day when you know that he has other girl you're drwoned. The thing that makes you closer with him becomes the things that you hate the most. you cant run from the reality, just let it be if its meant to be, it will happen the way you want the things are. What if you dont have the similiarities with him? What if she's better than you? i knew there's a sentence that "Differences make couple complete each other" just wondering you dont know at all what he talking about. As i said just le it be never expect,never ask, never assume. Dont give up when you still have something to give, nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying. You will be loved someday. Never regret what you've done. You love right person in the wrong time. God save the best one for you. Remember that time will heal everything

PS: dedicated to friend of mine

Mind. Music. You feel what You hear

This is the list of the song that i heard over and over ( You are what you Hear) :

1. The Fray - Never say never

2. The Fray - Be the one

3. Belle and Sebastian - Shut up and sleep with me

4. Belle and Sebastian - Get me away from here im dying

5. Camera Obscura - I dont want too see you

6 Sara Barailles - Gravity

7 Passion Pit - Better Things

8 Amy Winehouse - Will you still love me tommorow?

9 Cold Play - I'll see you soon

10 Blue October - Calling you

11. Monkey Majik - I Miss You

Thanks to you. Just go as far as you gone

He's just not into that you (me)

I was being a dumb too long. I had the resolution that i wanna be happy in this year forgetting all about the fuckin things about love. One word describes me best is Fragile, im too fragile to enjoying my single life, i know i was wrong to build my own mind about us, every girls do. Missing someone is not that good when you know that you are trapped at the same place, like me. What will you do if you meet him? im not doing good, just walking pass him ,smile and said " Hi" like everything in the past was fine. We are Fine. We are good. I dont know sometimes im thinking we are a mess instead that im sure that he missing me too. Cliche? yes iam. Iam always seen everything based what im thinking. I might be true that every girls never forget the first boy she likes?? I dont have any reason if you asking me " why iam so into him?". I might be waiting him, every story implores us to wait for it. I did NOT waiting, Im just doing like we can be a friend. Im not into him anymore. I just wanna he always here beside me, hearing my not important news, my silly story. i just wanna we are having fun. But every story has their ending like our story

"sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."

NeroVivo

Have you ever been going to this place? Nerovivo is one of the italian restaurant in Kuala Lumpur i went to this place once. Just like Italian restaurant,this place offering the same food like another italian resataurant. What makes this restaurant different? The hospitality. Im not being too arrogant because i went to college which is learning about this hospitality otherwise now i knew which one i can called the bad/good hospitality or service. This resaturant really really had the good service instead the delicious food. I tried the Spaghetti Seafood ( i dont know exactly what it is called in italian name) and for dessert i tried Creme brulee. Every Waiters in this restaurant super duper friendly they are always checkin us and asked us with formal conv and sometimes when we finished our dinner they will make like small conversation, etc. i'll give you some pictures

The view from in front of the restaurant

one of the picture that i adore in this restaurant

The wine

The Things you missed out

For Heaven sake i dont ever know what i really feel. I just missing something that i dont know exactly what it is. i felt blue, somehow i miss him. my mind told me that it is so last year, yea i know it, my heart told me that is too cliche. too classical. am i sure that he will miss me too? i wish iam a google i could know what you feel rite know. Writing on this blog just randomnly thing. I cant share what i feel to my friends, chessy (?) im always being chessy. One thing i know " loving you is exhausting im always having to beg".

Make you feel my love

                                                     When the rain is blowing in your face

And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When evening shadows and stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong
I'd go hungry I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on a rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't see nothing like me yet
I could make you happy make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love