joyeux anniversaire

Happy birthday best buddy.Be mature. Be happy. Worry Less. Less annoying. keep going with your girl :p. Happy 1 month anniversary too.

we havent spoken for a long time, how are ya? by the way things are going better. Lets yock and yoll

You've got a friend in me

I was watching toy story all over again and i found out that friend never give up with another friend no matter what. Im not saying that i do hate my problems i just dont know how to fix it. We dont know. its like blur thing that everyone cant see but we can actually feel it. Maybe im the selfish one. I cant figuring out, I just want this problem dissapear like real soon or we could be pretending that there is no such a problem. I did pretending that there is no such a problem. Why so hard on you to be pretending like me? If i could be the stubborn i would saying that id never give up on my friend. Just Feel that im here and stand by me. Why nobody really cares? whats changed? is it our society? society sucks. college suck more than that. Should we be hysterical? As you listen i'll reduce advice to dust. Well excuse me im trying to stay in character young pal! why everything seems like my fault? Just talk to me if you need help, im not kind of friend that could forgetting about my close-friend easier. Instead that you seem didnt need my help. We do a lot improve here. Its ok if im the one who took you as my bestfriend in fact you not took me as your bestfriend as iam.You may have everything except everything to share with, thats why you need a friend but  Just stay loose you'll be fine maybe

Yang paling perih dari sendirian tuh bukan pas kita lagi sedih,Justru pas kita lagi ketawa seneng tapi gak ada yang bisa kita ajak ikut ketawa

Adhitia Sofyan you got me on your lyrics

As I walk to the end of the line
I wonder if I should look back
To all of the things that were said and done
I think we should talk it over

Then I noticed the sign on your back
It boldly says try to walk away
I go on pretending I'll be ok
This morning it hits me hard that

Still everyday I think about you
I know for a fact that's not your problem
But if you change your mind you'll find me
Hanging on to the place
Where the big blue sky collapse


As I stare at the wall in this room
The cracks they resemble your shadow
When everyday I see time goes by
In my head everything stood still

I'm waiting for things to unfreeze
Til you release me from the ice block
It's been floating for ages washed up by the sea
And it's drowning, thought you should know that

You see people are trying
To find their way back home
So I'll find my way to you

No matter where you go i wont be very far

Amy Winehouse - Will you still love me tomorrow?


I'd like to know that your love
Is love I can be sure of
So tell me now, cause I won't ask again
Will you still love me tomorrow?
Will you still love me tomorrow?

Norah Jones - What am i to you?

What am I to you
Tell me darling true
To me you are the sea
Vast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue

When you're feeling low
To whom else do you go
See I cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so 

Adhitia Sofyan - Adelaide Sky

I'll let you know what's on my mind
I wish they've made you portable
Then I'll carry you around and round
I bet you'll look good on me
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/a/adhitia_sofyan/adelaide_sky.html ]
I'll fly away tomorrow
It's been fun
I'll repeat the cliché
Things won't be the same without you

Sondre lerche - 2 Way monologue

All the other options that you had in mind starve me

Cause I'm optionless and turkey-free and blind

Won't you listen and I'll let you in on this
Blind me!
As you listen I'll reduce advice to dust
Oh no!
I shouldn't have to spell my name

I wont it happen

Express not impress

Im staying up all night long i dont know million things running on my mind. Its 05.09 am already and im doing anything just posting on my blog,tumblr,searching some pictures,news,quotes,the new novel or interesting book. i dont have someone to talk to :(. My friends busy with their life. My best buddy busy with his final exam and another-used-to-be-my bestfriend i dont know we dont actually talking for about a week maybe more than that. geez no one cares like i said unless i knew that this is my fault that i care too much with others and sometimes i expect that they will do the same thing like me. I want to tell you about a little magic or  in Bahasa call it " Peramal". On Thursday i went to to a place for fotocopy or printing that almost of colleger in my campus know that the owner capable to read our mind or what happen to us by the handwritting of us. I tried my luck and he said " you always live in the past, you never get anyone who will fits you better if you dont want to erase the one who always staying at the bottom of your heart". I was surprised. Thats so true i knew it all years, ok i dont want to share about this lame story. Then he said again "One of your friend hate you because you are too easy going, friendly, sociable to others, easy to talk, making jokes like a boy, and care too much to your guy-friend, this person could stab you on the back but dont worry you live to express not impress
I knew it. I feel it. I know if someone hate/like me because im too sensitive ha-ha. Dont worry i dont mind if you hate me it means that im still on your mind thou.

Inspired

Due to the problem with my Girl-Friends in my college which had be solved and The always-been-my-OUR-PROBLEM with my bestfriend i found out that some quotes really fit my condition


"You ask me why, I give you the reason. You ask me how, I give you the steps. Bestfriends used to be like us.


"Surround yourself with people who are for you not against you.It's not about the quantity of friends, it's about the quality of your friends


"I kinda miss the kind of friendship that's purely based on the person, and not how far you'll go for the person.


"that my friends, is a real invitation. real issue. real cause


"You think I don't notice things, but I do. You think that you can hide things from me, but you can't."


" Love is blind but friendship close it eyes"


"A fact : when you are up in life, your friends get to know who you are, but when you are down in life, you get to know who your friends are"


" it's funny when you down, people who cheer you up is the one you never expect while people you call friends only take you for granted"


Just so you know my friends and my bestfriend im so scared to lose all of you, sorry if i was being stubborn, childish and such a mess. Hope we could fix it asap :D. Thanks to the girls we already fix it i shud knew that its just simple misunderstanding.

Dear Bestfriend

One-Way Friendship

Holly dolly im just a lil bit free from college thingy. I can bretahe easily ha-ha. I have such a big problem literally with my bestfriend(s) that i thought before, i love them too much. i care much. im trying to help them as i could, but where the fuck all of them when i need them so much? i dont know how to solve this problem :""(. i thought i could have at least bestfriend at the same city instead my highschool friends, its cliche and naive when i thought that i could have bestfriend at the same city we can help each other most of the time and im thinking about it again its just utter bullshit. I might have been too selfish or being such a mess, am i wrong if i expect that they could care much as i care to them? i knew im overthinking about something. Im not like others that could share their story into their friends, i just can share everything what happened to me to the one that i really feel comfortable, the one who i can believe until the rest of my life instead of my boyfriend, id rather broke up with my boyfriend than losing my bestfriend. I do have many friends just some of them that i could believe the most, sharing everything. i thought I can tell you that if your bestfriend is a boy it could be easy because that they are not too sensitive, they can give your advice form boy preception and care as much as you care to them, but now and on i change my thought that it could be never easy as i thought at least in my college life, college sucks? isnt it?.

I have my superbestfriend since im in Junior High School, we get along together until we at the same high school and same class, we tease each other, we joking as much, we doing teenager "criminal", we told each other about everything : love life, family etc. I have my Girl-Friends, He has his Boy-Friends. I had boyfriend, He had Girlfriend. We talked much about our cheesy lovelife and making jokes about it. We do Gossip as usual, We do fighting but we just can solve the problems. Its easy rite? everything went well. Until now we never lose contact. We have been together since 6 years as a bestfriend and our relationship alhamdulillah never destroying our friendship.

College Life i used have my bestfriend. Same like that. The problem that used to be not become a problem cause he has a girlfriend and getting jealous of me,nah-nah just so you know id never thinking that i will make him to be my boyfriend or whatsoeva. Why simple thing become bigger? we do fighting a lot. like a lot and we dont even have the way to solve this. I dont even know whats going on with us? we do the same things like a bestfriend used to be. Joking, Teasing, Sharing not even more than that.

Why have to be Jealous on me? dont u know that you destroy everything? I just wanna have a real bestfriend not just take me for granted. I was trying to understand but what i get? Nothing. And now this whatsoeva you call Friendship, used to be friendship become messier. If u dont wanna sharing everything, or at least be my bestfriend please explain to me whats going on, you pull me closer and then you throw me away. I fulfill what you wanted to your relationship. you ask me to stay away, im stay away. Dont you know that my bestfriend since 6 years never ask me that thing? Im stay away from you a while you said im mad, you said im changed. I dont even know either im changed or im be changed. Im not willing to help you, give my best advice if i could. I dont want anything from you mate at least just be mature, seeing from my preception, and at least we could used as we used to be. We dont even talking to each other. We dont sharing about what-so-not-important-thing, you know that i want to tell you that i had such a little problem with my Girl-friends? until i solve this problem by myself. Sorry for coming into your life, interfere to your business i mean both of your business.

If you read this or you. I dont even recall to giving you a reason to be jealous on me. I thought you are my friend and you are my bestfriend so we could get along together, but now i think its too late im not even mad but the same thing never happens the same way twice.

Ps : u dont need to be jealous on me, i will never change your position because we are different totally different. u couldnt be like me or i couldnt be like you. i had my commitment with myself if somebody be my bestfriend, i take him/her be my best until the rest of my life, sounds cliche but u can hold my words, but now i so dont even care if you believe me or not.

Perahu Kertas

Part of sentences or might be Quotes from Perahu kertas by Dewi Lestari

Susah payah, ia berusaha bangkit, tertatih-tatih, mencari sesuatu yang baru untuk menggantikan bintang hatinya, inspirasinya. Kini ia sudah kembali berdiri tegak. Namun, ia sadar, bintang yang sama tak akan pernah kembali untuk yang kedua kali.

"Kamu sudah pernah ada juga sudah cukup."

"Aku senang dia mampu menyayangi dan mengurusmu dengan baik. Hati kamu mungkin memilihku, seperti juga hatiku selalu memilihmu. Tapi hati bisa bertumbuh dan bertahan dengan pilihan lain. Kadang, begitu saja cukup. Sekarang, aku pun merasa cukup."

Dan, meski dengan susah payah, ia berusaha mensyukuri kepedihan yang menyayat hatinya sekarang. Detik ini. Dan kali ini ia tak menahan apa-apa. Kekuatannya lenyap. Tak sebutir air mata pun sanggup ia bendung. Dan ia memutuskan untuk membiarkan segalanya mengalir. Apa adanya

"Harusnya... aku senang. Harusnya aku bahagia untuk dia karena dia punya seseorang seperti perempuan itu. Harusnya aku juga bahagia karena punya seseorang kayak laki-laki itu. Harusnya.... aku senang. Tapi..."
"Kepala kamu akan selalu berpikir menggunakan pola 'harusnya', tapi yang namanya hati selalu punya aturan sendiri. Ini urusan hati. Berhenti berpikir pakai kepala. Secerdas-cerdasnya otak kamu, nggak mungkin bisa dipakai untuk mengerti hati. Dengerin aja hati kamu."

"Banyak yang aku ingin bilang ke kamu. Banyak yang ingin aku kasih. Tapi, nggak apa-apa, nggak usah. Mungkin memang bukan jatahku. Bukan jatah kita.

"Aku ingin melepasmu pergi. Sebelum kita berdua berontak, dan jadi saling benci. Atau bersama-sama cuma karena menghargai."

Hati tidak pernah memilih. Hati dipilih. Jadi, kalau kamu bilang, kamu telah memilihku, selamanya kamu tidak akan pernah tulus mencintai aku. Karena hati tidak perlu memilih. Ia selalu tahu kemana harus berlabuh. Yang kamu cari bukan

disini." (Luhde to Keenan)

I would never

Sentimental feeling in my heart

growing bigger stronger everyday

every single day and every night

all of them mean more than works can say

believe me, as i believe in you

i would never run away from you

i would never ever lie to you

i would never run away from you

i would never ever let you down

dedicated : xxxxxxx

Blank

Hidup itu terlalu naive, terutama kehidupan gue, jujur gue gak pernah berada dalam fase-fase kaya gini," im not mature enough"m entah kenapa disini gue merasa gue terlalu naive karena gue selalu mengalah dan mendahulukan orang lain, tapi jauh di dalam hati gue rasanya ada sesuatu yang nyuruh gue buat gak kaya gitu, tapi gue gak mau jadi jahat bukan jahat tapi egois bukan egois tapi lebih kepada memaksakan kehendak, gue gak ngerti banget setiap gue cerita ke temen gue, gue selalu nanya " what shud i do" no one cant answering. Mereka menjawab tapi kenapa gue belum menemukan jawaban yang pas, sedangkan gue juga belum tau apa yang sebenernya gue inginkan.

Bingung

Prioritas, lucu ya umur gue mau 19 tahun, tapi entah kenapa selama at least hampir 18 taun gue ngerasa gue selalu egois, baru kali ini gue memprioritaskan.........

klise

gue juga mau jadi prioritas........... tapi gak bisa, keadaan yang gak bisa, waktu yang salah, gue yang salah dan dia salah, dan salah

kesalahan

sakah satu dari temen gue bilang " ngalah sama bego itu beda tipis"

jadi gue bego atau naive? gue rasa gue dua-duanya

ALL IN MY HEAD

This picture describes what im going through nowadays. i've been screwed with my society. college life, mind, heart and whatsoevaaaaa. sometimes i think my head gonna explode but i wont it happen it so not me and disgusting ewh :(. So this week is really hard i just learn that everybody i knew is desperate and fake, they need me when they really in "unhelpfull" situation, aaaaaah i lose my positive thoughts. too much pain, too much fight. im never thinking that my life gonna be like this because one person that i'd never really had. how pathetic you are SYARAFINA! im not going to crying but i want but i cant i dont know, i need someone beside me ah it couldnt help, i just cant quite explain, im asking you one question whoever you are " have you ever been thinking about me, what i really feels?

you know who you are

Anguish in Disguise

Disguise

Disguise

lucu ya saya ketik kata-kata ini berulang-ulang kali. Menyembunyikan.

Kenapa disembunyikan?

Pertanyaan ini pasti selalu dikeluarkan oleh setiap orang termasuk saya

Saya pun tidak punya jawabannya bahkan tidak akan menjawabnya.

Menyembunyikan sesuatu pasti ada maksud dan tujuan

Bagaimana kalau dengan perasaan?

semudah itukah? saya rasa tidak.........

Teralu banyak yang disembunyikan teralu banyak kesedihan yang ditelan sendiri

Saya tidak ingin dunia melihat saya jatuh,saya tidak ingin dikasihani bahkan oleh teman-teman dekat saya.

Mungkin saya teralu klise dalam menghadapi hal-hal, teralu baikkah saya? apa salah nya menjadi orang baik? mengutamakan kebahagiaan orang lain?

saya bukan ibu peri atau malaikat,saya tahu ketika saya melakukan hal baik saya tidak boleh mengharapkan hal yang sama, apakah salah jika setiap manusia itu berharap?

salah kah saya jika saya marah,muak,kesal,iri merasa di nomor duakan?

"i have no one"

Ini saya ungkapkan sesuai realita,jika saya boleh egois saya selalu ada jika setiap orang membutuhkan saya.

Ketika saya butuh,kemana mereka? sadarkah mereka jika saya berubah?

Tidak

mungkin saya juga tidak menunjukkannya

saya tidak butuh orang yang hanya bertanya " kenapa saya? ada apa? lalu berlalu begitu saja

ketika saya menjawab " tidak apa-apa"

pernahkakh kamu melihat jauh di dalam diri saya? saya rasa tidak.

saya ingin menjadi apatis dengan hidup ini,berjalan apa adanya, tidak usah ikut memikirkan masalah-masalah di sekitar saya.

Ternyata susah.

Satu orang yang menempati ruangan di dalam hati saya pun seakan berlalu dengan sendirinya

no one cares

"Don't let your heart overrun your brain, make them both work in sync." -

Sitta Karina (Putri Hujan dan Ksatria Malam)

Books Taught me everything

Im in pain. i dont know somehow i feel that im always beside evryonewho need my help. but when i need one. there is no one, there is no you. let me explain that i was too naive when i said that " i love him" i said that with all of my heart maybe im the one who will be act like this. i could give my friends advice all of advices. for me? i think my advice is useless. i wanna make everyone happy. i wanna make everyone full with happiness. you might say that im too idealistic, cliche or err i knew im weird. Suddenly beside made my thingy assignments i read again my nick and norah"s infinite playlist and there is part of conversation like this :

Nick :"Do you really think that its getting worse?, i mean arent we better off than we were twenty years ago? or a hundred?"

Norah : "We're better off. But i dont know if the world's better off. I dont know if the two are the same thing"

Nick : Maybe we're the pieces

Norah : "Maybe we're supposed to do is come together. Thats how we stop the breaking

The last conv is from tikkun olam. the spiritual of life. im his biggest fans or wahtsoeva.

so if you are truly deeply in love just go get your smile and show your love your care with your ways and dont ever expect that he/she might give you a feedback

grr i think its for me. yeah fits me.

aku kita dan bahagia

kadang saya suka bertanya,apakah benar saya sudah bahagia? atau teman-teman saya? atau orang lain sudah bahagia? apa sih definisi bahagia? sampai sekarang saja saya tidak bisa menjawab yang saya tahu bahagia itu saya,kamu dan kita. cliche

Kiss the pain away ::)

hi peeps lets say im a dumb or am i being too naive? what should i called this, a coincidence? you was being too nice to me like we are in a commitment umm i mean like we are tried each other, its been too long to be with you............ i have no idea sometimes i wanna end this shitty but i know yea yea i know sounds pathetic i always missing you, missing your smile, your jokes, your texts, your whatever i dont know i love the way you act, silly <3. I tried my best, i never said that you're a jerk. we had fight, sorry i was being like a child haha...... i thought you didnt care but i was wrong you felt guilty, i gave you forgiveness,you made promise but you never keep it or maybe im the one who expect too much? and i have no choice so i walk away, i dont hate you, i never hate you, at least appreciate me as your partner and it wont works. I have no choice so i walk away. We're good We're fine. :-) and wishing that your life becomes that you want it :D. Goodluck silly this is your Year xxxxxxxxx

cruel

i do love my mom, i didnt say that i hate her. i just have a lil bit misscommunication with her since i move to bandung and the things become so cruel with her. Im trying to share whats going on with my life, and i thought she doesnt understand, she's never believe me. She's worrying about something that i dont know what she thinks about me. If i argue with her she will mad at me im just tired she's never know that im trying to be mature stay from what she and my dad provide me, and like serious she's never been like this

We're Fall in love but not meant to each other

Its so easy to falling in love, a coincidence, a job, or whatever the things that might make you gonna love him. When something makes you closer with him, you never thinking what will happen in the future,you didnt know him at all, and the day when you know that he has other girl you're drwoned. The thing that makes you closer with him becomes the things that you hate the most. you cant run from the reality, just let it be if its meant to be, it will happen the way you want the things are. What if you dont have the similiarities with him? What if she's better than you? i knew there's a sentence that "Differences make couple complete each other" just wondering you dont know at all what he talking about. As i said just le it be never expect,never ask, never assume. Dont give up when you still have something to give, nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying. You will be loved someday. Never regret what you've done. You love right person in the wrong time. God save the best one for you. Remember that time will heal everything

PS: dedicated to friend of mine